U IS FOR UNDER COVER OF DARKNESS




I am on an under cover mission under the cover of darkness.




The Crime:    lettuce & spinach seedlings disappear overnight
                       bite marks on onion stalks
                       new fruit on tangerine with mastication marks
                       silver trails covering pumpkin patch



The Suspect:           Everyone



It is just after 9pm on a balmy March evening. There had been a light shower of rain about 2 hours ago, conditions are perfect for an ambush.
I am armed with a torch, latex gloves, an ice cream container and a ¼ strength bottle of citronella spray.
As I make my way to garden bed number one I hear a scurrying noise that I am hoping is our resident blue tongue lizard running away and not a monster running to get into position to jump me. (never did get over my fear of the dark)
Ah ha!!!! Silver trails glittering in the moonlight, I follow them to one of my ripening pumpkins and 
there they are …. SNAILS. Caught in the act of chewing through my hard grown pumpkin. They are thieves and vandals and the full force of the law (Mother Natures Law Act of 2012) will be thrown at them.
I have to work quickly here, they are startled by the torch light and are making ready to take off. I swoop down and snatch them from the pumpkin by the handful and throw them into the ice cream container. In just under 20 minutes I have half filled the container with snails of all sizes.
You have to keep the lid on here, it's crucial, as the snails will do a runner for freedom. You may think that these little fellas are slow but if you don't watch them they can disappear in an instant.
Then, the pièce de résistance, I spy a leopard slug. He is at least 8 cm long and he has a friend with him. Now I know that they supposedly predate on snails but these two are so busy chowing down on my cucumber plant that they don't even notice the sushi train of molluscs winding their way past them. And thank goodness I have the gloves on, giant slug slime is harder to remove from your person than “you know what” is from a baby blanket. It makes me sick picking them up with the gloves on – I would let them have the cucumber if it meant picking them up by uncovered hand. (just a digression here, did anyone ever see the scene in one of the Harry Potter movies where Ron's wand backfired and he started throwing up slugs? All I can say about that scene is that it was lucky I had a popcorn bucket handy … I was dry retching all through that scene)
So, to take stock; In under ½ an hour I have approx ¾ of a 2 litre ice cream container filled with snails and 15 giant slugs. Not bad. (note to self here, go and have a word with that lazy arse lizard and find out what the hell he's been doing all this time. Oh wait, he probably only eats the ones that have drunk the beer)
My preferred method of disposal is to throw the snails up onto our roof the next morning (my neighbour will have a whinge here as she suspects that I also throw them up on hers but the birds take them over there to eat them in peace) We have a flat iron roof, the snails are easily seen by any passing birds and are recycled back into the local food chain. I have a couple of Currawongs normally waiting up there for a meal most mornings, although I'm not sure how many of these ones they will be able to eat.


Next Morning


I open the lid and to my surprise there are 15 huge, fat slugs and about 30 snails. Wow, talk about an overnight massacre, these slugs have eaten almost every snail. Like I said, I was aware of their predation propensity toward snails but as they were munching out on the cucumber I assumed they were vegetarians. Perhaps snail goes well after a cucumber entree or maybe the plant is roughage to help all that protein along. My problem now is that the slugs will eat my veggies even if there are snails there for them.
I wont release them in my garden but I will let them go. After all they each ate 3 or 4 times their own body weight in garden enemy number 1 – that has to count for something.


So, I am on an under cover mission under the cover of darkness..........